flakycusHion

The Earth in the Solar System goes round and round, 

round and round,

round and round,

The Earth in the Solar System goes round and round,

All through the infinite-vacuum-of-space.

And there you have it, the Earth completes its 4.5 billionth lap around that big bright yellow thing in the sky that your parents told you not to stare directly at. It’s been a hell of a year for me. Let’s hope this year is even better! And with the new years, comes the obligatory new years resolutions. Since I know I won’t been keeping most of them, I just blurted out a few of my own, like making my bed everyday, keeping healthy, liberating at least one nation from a brutal regime, etc. And I think this is a perfect time to finish what I started a few months back, writing the second half of the story about the Sheep and The Fence and how it relates to us. I spoke about how I tried helping a lost sheep (I’d like to call him Bert), but my efforts were in vain. For those who haven’t read the first part, click here.

Disclaimer: This isn’t one of those “You’re all a bunch of sheeple. Wake up!” posts.

Right! On the the subject matter. We all want to belong somewhere, it’s in our nature. Evolution has hardwired that instinct and that need into our brain. You want to be around people who share your views, or at least understand them, help you develop your ideas and opinions, help you grow as a person, people who can guide you when you’re confused or upset, and so on. But sometimes that doesn’t quite happen. Sometimes, people don’t understand how and what you think, how you feel, or share or understand your opinions. What happens then? Well, my dear reader, that’s when you become Bert; a lost soul, trapped, lost, confused, anxious….scared. The flock’s long gone, my dear misunderstood friend, and you’re stuck inside this prison. You try calling out, but no one’s there to hear you, to help you, to guide you. No one stops and listens.

But just when all seems hopeless, enters a wandering stranger. “Hmm! Was Ist Das?”, thinks the stranger while showing off his limited knowledge of the German language. He stops and notices you. You’re a bit confused at first. This stranger seems different, he doesn’t ignore your cries, this person actually stops! This person pays attention. You’re curious, you’re scared, you’re excited, and you’re happy. Finally someone listened. This person is perfect. You stop and communicate. You both bond and get along really well. Oh man, this is what I have been waiting for my entire life. God bless Jesus! Now, normally, this is where I would end my blog, on a happy note. But if only things were this easy and straightforward. If only….

Quick side note here, I’ve noticed this post has started to sound a lot like a romantic love story between a man and a sheep named Bert.I’d like to go on record and state that I have never ever fiddled a sheep. The sheep is to be taken metaphorically, as a mental state of a person with anxiety.

But, just as everything seems to be normal, something happens weird happens. This person comes a bit closer to the fence. “Something’s not right”. “Things are going too perfectly”! “Something’s off”. Remember when I said you also feel a little scared, that feeling pops up like an unsolicited pimple before a date. And this is no minor rash, but rather a huge (as big as a golf ball), pus filled, ungodly zit. You become suspicious, cautious, pressured, and in extreme cases, start losing trust in the person.  The stranger reassures you that everything is fine, but you don’t trust him. And what happens as a result? You move away from the fence as the stranger comes closer. The stranger tells you there’s nothing to be afraid of, but you don’t listen. You KNOW something’s not right. You KNOW he’s up to something. You KNOW he looks hungry and feels like having mutton for dinner. But then, as a stranger moves away from the fence, you come closer! “I mean, he’s the only one who stopped and listened to my cries. If he leaves, I’ll be all alone. No one else will stop. He’s the only one who did”, you think to yourself, as you desperately try to get him to stop. The stranger comes back! But then, once again, as he moves closer, you move away.

This goes on and on, until the stranger finally loses interest. “You know what! To hell with this. I have better things to do with my life. I want to explore this beautiful countryside. I see some beautiful looking hills at the distance. I bet I can get plenty of awesome pictures of them. This is just holding me back. I must keep going. I’m sorry Bert, but I can’t help you if you cannot trust me. I’m trying my best, but you don’t seem to want my help. You’re confused, and need to figure things out yourself. Goodbye, and all the best, and take care”, says the stranger as he continues on his path. You desperately try to get him to stop, but it’s too late now. The stranger’s long gone. You’re all alone once again, crying for help, feeling even worse than before. The clock has reset…..

A normal person would read this and think, “Well, that’s silly!”. And you know what, it really is silly. But this is what anxiety feels like. Now, I’m no psychologist, and don’t claim to be one, but this is how I feel or used to feel, and I’m sure a lot of you feel the same. We’re stuck in this constant battle with self-defeating, self-loathing, self-negating thoughts. The reasons could be anything, traumatic past experiences, bad history in relationships, being humiliated by someone you trusted, etc. Because of those handful of bad experiences, we tend to start believing this is the norm when it comes to us. We’ve come to expect something bad is going to eventually happen, it’s just a matter of when. And because of that, we tend to distrust people, even those who won’t mistreat or humiliate us.  And this feeling builds up with time, like a snowball rolling down a mountain, until the anxiety has overtaken your personality. You’re not you anymore, but a hollow version of yourself. You become cynical, apathetic, reclusive, numb. Everything that made you, you, eventually fades away. Quite sad, isn’t it?

Well, the good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. There may be a way to break this cycle of negative thoughts. I used to feel this way all the time, and fortunately I’ve come out of it. There’s still a long road ahead of me before I can safely say I’ve overcome my anxiety, but hopefully I’ll get there. I think that’s enough for this post, I’ll save the ways I tried overcoming it in the next post. For now, happy 2017!

A wise man once told me “Oi! Stop following me, you creep or I’ll punch you in the face!”. But the t-shirt he was wearing, had a nice saying on it. It went something like “I only drink on days ending with a Y”. That was some T-shirt, I should get that printed on one of my shirts as well. Speaking on T-shirts with funny/quirky quotes on them, I recently went to comic con, thought you all should know, cause, you know, so that you don’t think I’m some anti-social git who sips on coke while raging on some forum about how pissed off I am because they nerfed some stupid gun on Black Ops 2.  It was supposed to be a big thing apparently, a lot of famous people were attending the event, like one of the artists of Cyanide and Happiness, and the guy who plays Hodor in Game of Thrones. Yea, I got a glimpse of him. Took some photos and teased my friends about it. And the kicker? I don’t even watch GoT.

Hah! Man, everyone keeps banging on about how awesome and amazing and kick ass the series is, but I could never bring myself to watch it. Too slow for my liking. It’s apparently about how people fuck each other over (literally and figuratively) and how people play politics to get what they want, hence the name Game of Thrones. Everyone’s playing a game to get this magical throne, which is made up of swords. But, wouldn’t that throne be a little uncomfortable and a bit unnerving? What if it collapsed? The person sitting on the throne would be shredded into pieces, like minced meat. Why couldn’t the throne be made of something a bit safer? Like marshmallows, or eclairs? That way, you could rule….ugh….Narnia(?), and have access to a free snacks whenever you want. Now that’s a throne I’d kill, plot, betray, and go to war for.

Naw man, not really my cup of tea. If I want to see politics and drama unfold, I’d watch Big Boss, which would be a bit of a challenge, since I’d rather bleach my eyes with concentrated sulfuric acid than watch that piece of garbage. I’d rather watch something like Narcos. Now that’s what you call a series. Intense, thrilling, informative, and just wow! I’ve only watched a few episodes, but they were awesome and I’m sure that the rest would be just as amazing, if not more (which I doubt). Boy, that Escobar guy, amiright? Sounds something out of a fairy tale (a very inappropriate fairy tale). I won’t spoil it for you lovely people, watch it for yourself and see how it is.

Speaking of things that are amazing, the new Star Wars movie is coming out soon!!!! Awwwwwwww yiiiiiissss! However, I’ll be watching it a WHOLE WEEK after everyone else. And why you may ask? Because of some big Bollywood blockbuster, Dilwale. Not only is the movie so bad, I’d rather fill a pillowcase with old rusty nails and hit myself with it till I get serious brain damage, they postponed the release of Star Wars, since they didn’t want competition. Jeez! Talk about being an insecure moron. The main USP, the thing they’ve advertised the most, is the fact that one of the most popular and famous on-screen couple are together after 20 odd years. Great, who the hell cares? I certainly don’t. And apparently, they’ve lost their chemistry as well, so I’m imagining they were as graceful as a kid pressing a GI Joe against a Barbie doll and going “kiss kiss”. So, the thing that they were so sure would work, failed. That leaves us with the storyline……yeaaa, let’s not go there. Let’s just say, if I closed my eyes and bashed my face on my keyboard repeatedly, I’d write a much better story than Dilwale. The acting is just atrocious. I mean, I’ve seen mannequins put of a better performance. So, the movie failed on every front, and even then managed to be a commercial success. It’s times like this when I weep for humanity. Ugh! Just thinking about the movie makes me want to projectile vomit. Well, at least the wait’s over, the movie is coming out soon, so I’m really looking forward to it.

Well, I suppose that’s about it. Happy holidays to all, I’ll see you next year!!!!

Here I am again, listening to Derezzed by Daft Punk, thinking about what to write about next. Seriously, this track kicks ass, probably one of my favourite tracks by the duo. You should listen to it if you haven’t already. It has suspense, drama, comedy, tragedy……well, not exactly, but it’s still good. Anyway, coming back to the point, here I am, listening to Funk Blaster by Koan Sound, thinking about what to write about next, trying to fight off this writer’s block.

It’s really intense, I wish you could see what’s happening inside my head right now. In one corner, weighing in at 180 pounds (or around 13 stone if you’re from the UK {or around 81 kilos if you’re from anywhere else}) is my Creativity. And the challenger, weighing in at 200 pounds, hated and despised by everyone, especially the creative, who shows up unexpectedly at your doorstep at around 4 in the morning, asking if you have a couch he could crash on cause he’s had too much to drink at this party you weren’t even invited to, who takes a sip from your soda bottle and doesn’t close the lid properly, which makes the soda lose its fizz and go flat, Writer’s Block.

Bah! I can’t think of anything right now, so I’ll instead tell you something I recently read about, which I found quite interesting. Imagine a dictionary, which contains all the permutations possible with the alphabets. It’ll be something like A, AA, AAA, AAAA…..AB, ABA, ABAA….. and then B, BB, BBB ……. and so on. I know it sounds doing-your-tax-returns-ly boring, but hear me out, would ya!! Now, this particular dictionary would not only contain every single word ever created or will be created, but would also contain answers to questions like “What happened before the big bang?”, “How was life created?”, “Where do lost socks go?”, “What was it you were supposed to do when you entered the room?”, and so on. It’s called a hyperwebster. Fascinating isn’t it? I just realised that I’ve been rambling on for 3 paragraphs without any image or video. You must be bored, I bet. Here’s a picture of a boat to keep your interest *ahem* afloat.

Haha! What a stupid boat. Doesn’t it know it’s supposed to be on water, and not on land? Maybe it owes money and is hiding from some debt collector. I don’t know, I didn’t ask. Those debt collectors though, man, they look scary as fuck. I remember seeing a documentary about this debt collection agency. All it was were a couple of scary looking, bodybuilding, buffed up, able to open a new jar of jam without having to run it under warm water, guys. Boy! I wouldn’t want those guys knocking at my door, asking me to pay up. The best part is, their office was the gym itself, where they trained. How about that?

I could never really get into the whole gym thing though. I tried going for a few months, but, frankly, I kinda found it boring. All I’m doing is pulling, pushing, lifting things. It felt like a chore, a desk job, a poetry recital. You know a fun way of exercising? No, don’t you start off now. That’s not what I meant. I meant going to the park, going for a jog, playing some sport with friends, scaring away pigeons, to name a few. I find it a better way to stay in shape. It’s healthy, and more importantly, super fun.

That’s the problem where I live, there’s nothing fun to do. All we have are malls, malls, and more malls. Couple of years ago, we had 1 mall. It had everything you could possibly need, like shops, fast food joints for us always in hurry types, restaurants (I can never ever spell the word correctly, I always have to rely on spell-check) for the more hoity-toity types, and a movie theatre. What else could you possibly want? But fast forward to day, we have around 4-5 HUGE malls, with a lot more under construction. I just have 1 question: WHY? Why the hell are so many malls being built? Jeez! Pretty soon, they’ll start tearing down houses, in order to make room for more malls. I’m pretty sure they’ll convert the entire city into 1 supermassive blackmall. You’ll wake up in a mall, and sleep in the mall, with that annoying mall music playing constantly. And this would be our city’s anthem.

Wow! I just described my rendition of hell.  Oh btw, here’s an interesting factoid for you, hell means bright in German. Isn’t that interesting? A word, which is essentially a curse word in English, means something almost the exact opposite in German. Another interesting thing about the word hell is that if you rearrange the letters, add and remove a few letters, it spells out heaven.

I guess that’s enough rambling for now. I’ve got to start researching for my next blog post. Oooh! I’m almost excited.

Ok! So this is my first blog post, ever. I have no idea what to write about. I mean, I could do a quick Google search and see what people usually talk about and get some ideas. In fact, give me a second, I’ll go and check right now. In the meantime, enjoy this awesome and relaxing picture of some hills.

Ok! I must say, there are a LOT of blogs, and I mean a lot. Everything from travel diaries, tech stuff, stocks, news, how many licks to reach the centre of a tootsie pop, etc., there’s a blog for virtually everything. How on Earth is my blog going to get noticed in this vast ocean of blogs? Need to learn the best way to fold sheets? There’s probably a blog demonstrating in excruciating detail how to properly fold sheets. That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea, I could never fold my sheets properly, so I just crumple them into a ball and toss them aside like me unwrapping a large bar of chocolate. Apparently, there’s a very simple way of folding sheets.

Now wasn’t that easy? Just a few folds and you’re done, although half of you won’t follow the video and keep doing what you do. I don’t blame you, after all, why even make the bed when you’re just going to mess everything up eventually? Just leave it like that, I won’t judge your life choices and your personality based on whether or not you make the bed (I lied, I totally will).

But hey, even if I do judge you, what’s the big deal anyway? People judge each other all the time. I see a guy on the street with a limp and I automatically think to myself, “Boy! That guy must have been in some accident, no wonder he/she is limping”, that’s a judgement I just passed. I could be right. I could also be totally wrong (maybe the guy just has a condition or a bone disease).

Just because someone or a group of people think something is right or something is wrong doesn’t make it right or wrong. We should learn to think for ourselves, learn to form our own opinions, and not just follow or believe something just because it’s the latest trend or because loads of people are already doing it. See, the thing is, having your own thoughts and opinions (even unpopular ones) makes you interesting. It gives you a personality. It makes you worth talking to. So go out there, start thinking for yourself, form your own opinions, learn how to articulate them, and watch the magic happen. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, do whatever you like and makes you happy, and forget what others are saying about you. Most of them are just jealous anyway. Jealous that why are you happy? Why didn’t they do what they liked before? Why did they do what others expected them to do? All this kills them inside, and they take this frustration and negativity on successful and happy people. Like the old saying goes “misery loves company”. Screw such people.

Yea, you could make the age old argument “Better said than done”. Maybe you are feeling bummed because people judge you badly. But don’t worry, I have a solution for that as well. Whenever you find yourself down and anxious, just remember the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”. It always (most of the times) makes me feel better. For those who aren’t acquainted, there was this really famous song by Bobby Mcferrin, which is the quintessential feel good song. The best part is the fact that it has Robin Williams in it. Rest in peace you great man! You truly were one of the best comedians of our times and will be truly missed. Comedy plays a huge part in my life. I use comedy to get through difficult times. Here’s a video by the great John Cleese what exactly I mean.

So simple, right? Yet it conveys so much. You should see the whole video, it’s really amazing. Mr. Cleese, if you’re reading this, I just want to let you know that I really admire you and your work. In fact, the name of my blog “Flaky Cushion” is inspired by your show “Fawlty Towers”, in that the first word begins with the letter “F” and ends with  a “Y”. Whenever I see you on screen, I laugh like a rabid, frothing from the mouth, stealing food from a lion, hyena.

Oh and by the way, I would like to point out that I do not hold any rights to any of the videos I have posted. I don’t aim to make money out of my blog, so I guess I can use them (please don’t sue me, I’m broke as it is. All I can offer you is a can of baked beans that I’m pretty sure has grown its own ecosystem). The only thing that’s mine is the picture. What? You don’t think I can click a decent picture? Well sir/madam, I’ll have you know that you’re totally wrong. Yes, granted I know fuck all about photography and all those complicated settings (seriously, it’s like operating a space craft, with all the buttons and dials), but most of the times, my pictures turn out absolutely slightly above average…..hmm! That just gave me an idea for something to post and write about in my blog; Posting pictures and showing my gradual increase in photography skills. I could maybe write about the various settings and filters I used to click each photo, ask for feedback  and such, get a discussion going, etc.

Oh god, just thinking about it made me tired and depressed. Maybe something that doesn’t require me to leave the comfort of my couch? Sigh, I guess I’ll do my research before I start…..